How Bishop Budde and the Staff at the National Cathedral Gave Me Hope this Week

We said "time will tell" and it has.

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What a year, nearly, it’s been since the inaugural prayer service. I spent the previous week at the Washington National Cathedral, and I thought of this post several times. My presence there isn’t something I thought would happen; the invitation was a surprise and an honor, and the week unfolded that way, too.

In the ten months since Bishop Budde pleaded for merciful leadership, cruelty by this administration has continued to pile exactly as feared. America is worse for the wear; the stalwarts for mercy, liberty, and legality are exhausted. The headlines are a traumatizing loop beyond the pale of anything ever tolerated in modern civilized leadership before, yet sadly, most of them are not uncommon in the evangelical Christian fundamentalism that has long wanted power, dominion, and the denigration of young girls as sexualized objects.

And still, sometimes impossibly, there’s comfort to be found—in one another, in endurance, and even in the constancy of cathedral bells, that ring and ring and ring through days that eventually become decades. Endurance matters. Traditions and perspectives of before and beyond help us keep going. We will survive this season. Someday there will be accountability, and if history holds, likely some justice.

I met Bishop Marianne Budde this week. I was there for an author talk about holding onto humanity after high-control religion. We’re not in the after yet, but in the midst. And, fundamentalism is not the only influence in our culture. There, in the center of it all, are quietly active proponents for love, mercy, kindness, patience, inclusion, and grace. The spirit that breathes through the cathedral grounds, that moves as surely as the wind over the hill it’s built upon, bears such fruit. I could feel it in everything, from her attention and embrace, to every thoughtful and caring detail from the other clergy and staff.

Is that one of a religious institution’s greatest potential gifts? Constancy? Beauty? Care and inclusion? Attentive intention to truly see the humanity of another? I found the week to be as confrontational and comforting to my religious-trauma-informed sensibilities as the prayer service was almost a year ago. Hope insisted.

For one morning, these two radically different ideologies intersected ten months ago, and now we can see what came of Trump’s plan and what came of those who worried about those who would be harmed. Ten months is a span long enough to see patterns and paths emerge and then widely diverge. Time does tell. We all leave a trail of evidence in our lives.

What I find reassuring about divides and divergence is the clarity of choice we have as human beings. It’s clearer and therefore often easier to observe the contrast and know where we personally stand. If you were already opposed to Trump and MAGA this might seem like a ridiculous thing for me to write; wasn’t the choice already stunningly clear? For us, yes. For those inside other information feeds and religious indoctrination, and with unresolved trauma and undeconstructed beliefs, no.

For those cracking in MAGA now, the choices are only starting to become clear. The evidence is becoming too telling, the threats too real, the ideals and false promises too fragile to trust any longer. I think of those tender, breaking, awakening, cracking people all the time. They are the ones who will follow Marjorie’s lead and change their minds. They will leave quietly, sometimes silently. They will skip church on Sunday, and then for many Sundays, and then one day they’ll do a Google search for “religious trauma.”

They’ll find people like us. They’ll shyly wonder if there is a community out here. If there are “any books that might help me with my spiritual crisis.” They’ll finally understand why Trump reminded them of old men at church when they were teenagers. They’ll attend their first therapy appointments and start tracing their path backward to “when I first felt this way.”

For a long time, these people won’t push back defensively when those outside of MAGA scold, shame, and demand they’ll never forgive a MAGA voter. They’ll welcome the pain, knowing they probably earned it, but not fully understanding why. Then, they’ll learn there’s a difference between political grudge holders and true accountability. They’ll do their ongoing work to decolonize and divest from high-control religion. They’ll repent of their complicity. Step by step, they’ll heal, and so will we.

What we know more now than ever before: “We” are most of America. We do not apologize for kindness and courage. More people voted against Trump or for no one at all than those who chose him, and the evidence that he never won that election without interference is more substantial than we knew ten months ago. Christian MAGAs are not the majority of our country, nor have they had enough power to make us forget who we really are.

Here’s a reshare of that post, with some photos from this week added to the end.

The inaugural prayer service at Washington's National Cathedral was led by Rev. Mariann Budde, the Episcopal Bishop of Washington and the first woman to serve in that role. This was going to be a problem before she even opened her mouth.

Trump’s Christianity consists of calling on evangelical MAGAs when he needs something from them and courting and appointing Christian Nationalists. His Fake It Follies include using the Bible as a photo op, quoting Two Corinthians, and most recently, forgetting or refusing to put his hand on the Bible while swearing-in.

This isn’t to say Trump isn’t a man of belief. On the contrary.

Trump believes that women should be pretty. They should be sweet. They should say nice things to him and about him. Women should smile at the big men who lead them. He likes it when they call him Daddy. He believes women should never tell a man no.

His beliefs fit in well with the patriarchal men and puritanical masculinity so popular in the fundamentalist MAGA movement. That means Bishop Budde would’ve owed him an apology from the start simply for being who she is. A so-called. Illegitimate.

In Christian Patriarchy, women don’t lead. They aren’t bishops. They don’t publicly admonish men— and they don’t privately, either.

In Christian Patriarchy, women dress for men. They owe it to men to make up their faces, smile, and keep sweet. They never “take that tone.” This has little to do with volume and everything to do with pleasing him.

Trump had a tedious appearance to cross off his list, and the least this woman could do was make it quick and generic. Stay out of the way. In no way steal his limelight. Do not dare use her pulpit to speak for the people—his enemies. This is the patriarchy’s attitude when they’re forced to participate in some hair-brained liberal convention they have every intention of eradicating as soon as they can.

Trump wants loyalists—not “nasty” intelligent women with the courage to quote Jesus to his face.

Which is precisely what Rev. Budde did. Softly and tenderly, she asked for mercy on those who are afraid now.

“Let me make one final plea, Mr. President. Millions have put their trust in you and, as you told the nation yesterday, you have felt the providential hand of a loving God. In the name of our God, I ask you to have mercy upon the people in our country who are scared now. There are gay, lesbian and transgender children in Democratic, Republican, and Independent families, some who fear for their lives. The people who pick our crops and clean our office buildings; who labor in poultry farms and meat packing plants; who wash the dishes after we eat in restaurants and work the night shifts in hospitals. They…may not be citizens or have the proper documentation. But the vast majority of immigrants are not criminals. They pay taxes and are good neighbors. They are faithful members of our churches and mosques, synagogues, gurudwaras and temples. I ask you to have mercy, Mr. President, on those in our communities whose children fear that their parents will be taken away. And that you help those who are fleeing war zones and persecution in their own lands to find compassion and welcome here. Our God teaches us that we are to be merciful to the stranger, for we were all once strangers in this land. May God grant us the strength and courage to honor the dignity of every human being, to speak the truth to one another in love and walk humbly with each other and our God for the good of all people. Good of all people in this nation and the world. Amen”

The people on my social media—progressives, democrats, republicans, independents, and political agnostics—immediately praised her. Her presence was a balm: female, kind, soft, human. Suddenly, it felt like a collective, population-wide sigh. We needed it, didn’t we?

We needed that cool place on the pillow for our tear-stained cheeks. After seeing so many men with money and power kiss ass and betray American freedoms, it was a relief for the wisdom of Sophia to use the words of Jesus to speak so bravely and clearly.

“We” are most of America. We do not apologize for kindness and courage. More people voted against Trump or for no one at all than who chose him. On a day when Christian MAGAs are unmasking and leaning into hate, it’s important to remember they are not the majority of our country.

Rev. Mariann Budde has a book on bravery. It’s available in eBook, hardcover, and audio. I bought it in every format.

Edited to add: beautifully, the Cathedral carries on with business as usual. It will outlast this current storm.

Comment section notes:

I recently opened my Substack and removed the paywall from ongoing posts, as well as the comment section. The shift is bringing in new readers, and I’d love it if you said hello.

For those new here: this column is primarily written to those who have left high-control religion and/or are seeking a translation of evangelical influences in our culture, news, politics, and headlines. I maintain my social media spaces to foster healthy conversation on those topics in support of survivors of religious trauma. It is not a space for debate or Christian apologetics. If you have a different viewpoint, your curiosity and questions are welcome.

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