How I Healed My Voice After Fundamentalism

Baby-talk was encouraged. I wanted to be taken seriously.

I was the worst about laughing. Fascinating Womanhood, given to me by a friend and my then-husband’s mother, taught that women should not “guffaw.” Women were instructed:

“Avoid things…that resemble men’s laughs, such as loudness or a deep tone. Also avoid facial contortions, opening the mouth wide, throwing the head back, slapping your hands on your thighs, roaring, or anything coarse or vulgar. If these extremes are avoided, the laugh will probably at least be acceptable.”

My laugh is warm and gusty. I love a good wise crack, snark, irreverent humor, irony, dark humor, and clever wit. Even inside the cult, I would laugh at things I “wasn’t supposed to,” revealing peeks at my true character. And knowing what I know now about laughing trauma out, it’s likely that laughter kept me from screaming.