Jordy's Book Club Called It Hopium: Good News About Secret Votes
Women Are Voting for Harris in Private and Sweeping the Country with Hope
The revolution is underground. Beneath the noise of misinformation, clipped and manipulated videos, partisan news feeds, and algorithmic bubbles, the women are straightening their spines. They’re voting to protect other women.
I’ve suspected this longer than I allowed myself to know it. I kept getting DMs on Instagram.
“I’m voting blue for the first time.”
“My family doesn’t know it but I’m not voting for that man again.”
“I won’t vote for a rapist and convicted felon. I’ve listened to what he says and that’s not what I want for my children!”
Readers who follow my work educating on the abuses of Christian Fundamentalism often message me their secrets. Daily, I receive stories of “me too,” their healing journey after abuse, updates on their discovery and deconstruction, and confessions of complicity and regret. So, at first, these secrets seemed like the others. I replied or sent an emoji of love and support and kept going.
And then, the messages started to overwhelm my inbox. I felt so encouraged to know this was happening but unsure of what to do with them. I wouldn’t violate the privacy of my DMs by sharing without consent, and I didn’t have time to obtain permission and reshare hundreds of notes. But I could feel the energy of these words: the energy is shifting.
Personally, the humble courage to vote one’s conscience against family assumptions and pressure was the courage I had to develop and grow after my escape. In Christian Patriarchy, I wasn’t allowed to vote until the popular numbers were close, and then I had to promise to vote according to my husband’s wishes. This performance is part of the dominance and submission of Christian Patriarchy, and it’s still alive and well today, as demonstrated by theobro pastor, Joel Webbon:
Marital voter suppression is wrong and illegal, but that’s true of many practices in Christian Patriarchy. They don’t care. They’re working to change our laws so they can do what they want to us, whether we like it or not.
Rather than attempt to pull off a lie (my face is too transparent to do it well) and risk the violent punishment after, I gave in and stayed home in the Bush/Gore election, a contest that came down to just hundreds in Florida. Had the fundamentalist women voted, it would’ve mattered. (The whole story is in A WELL-TRAINED WIFE, available anywhere books are sold.)
So when I witness another’s courage to use her power, protect her rights, and defy (silently, if necessary) abusive patriarchy, I’m in awe. They’re doing what I couldn’t; what it took years of trauma healing to do. I wanted everyone to see what I saw, to feel this awakening surge of agency. So I posted an anonymous question box: Are you voting secretly? Are you voting blue for the first time?
The shares resulted in HOPE. Tears. Relief. Joy. Courage is contagious and these powerful testaments caught like wildfire. This is a MOVEMENT. (Most of these are shared in a highlight on my IG profile under “Secret Votes.”
Jordy’s Book Club called it “Hopium,” which I loved. We could use a little good medicine for the painful anxiety of this season. Hopium!
I went on We’ve Got Issues with Jo Piazza and Emily In Your Phone and talked up these incredible reasons to hope.
On Substack,
shared a transcript of the episode Secret Votes and Silent Courage: Women Breaking Free from Marital SuppressionA few of these stories were featured on NPR’s Morning Edition
More are coming from journalist
: watch this space (the link will updated as soon as it’s live)Heather Cox Richardson covered this movement in her November 2 letter:
In this moment, though, it is clear that women have electoral and political power over more than abortion rights.
We certainly do.
The fear that women can, if they choose, overthrow the patriarchal mythology of cowboy individualism that shaped the modern MAGA Republican Party is likely behind the calls of certain right-wing influencers and evangelical leaders to stop women from voting. For sure, it is behind the right-wing freak-out over the video voiced by actor Julia Roberts that reassures women that they do not have to tell their husbands how they voted.
(I added the link to the video mentioned in Heather’s quote)
Christian Fundamentalism pits women against each other, as well as their own interests. The system reduces our options and agency. Regardless of the election outcome, I'm heartened to see the efforts to make women fear other women are failing. The opposition to our freedom never went away. We must keep our courage!
Getting married doesn't cancel out your personal rights. Single women have voices too. Ballots are private. But if a unified household matters to your spouse, they’re free to join their vote with yours. And if your husband won't vote to protect your rights along with you, well then, that's a problem for another day.
It's interesting to hear "hopium" used in this positive context, as I learned the term from therapist Patrick Doyle in the context of the kind of false hope that keeps people in abusive relationships.
I don’t care for Joel Webbon. He thinks of his wife as another household appendage and doesn’t have the sensitivity to remember she is a human being and his wife.