The Response to Jill Duggar's Book is An Example of the Pressure Put on Survivors

To forgive, to reconcile, to love, honor, and obey.

It’s like a game of Candy Land. Roll the dice. Move three steps. Land on the square with a computer. Tell your story. Finally, feel heard. Roll the dice again. Move five steps. Land on the square with a slide that drops you back ten years.

“What is your relationship with your abuser like now?”

CNN and Today both ran stories about Jill’s relationship with Jim Bob, now that her book is out and she appeared in Shiny Happy People on Amazon. And in so doing, they demonstrate the familiar and relatable pressure put on survivors to forgive their abusers. To smooth things over in the family, especially so normal operations can resume. To not hold a grudge. To not nurture a seed of bitterness. To point out the good and be sure to include the positive experiences. To reconcile.

As an IBLP and fundamentalism survivor, Jill is under pressure to make sure everyone knows she still loves, honors, and respects her parents.

In her book, Counting the Cost, Jill refers to a line from a verse used as a tool for silencing stories: talking about wrongdoings could “stir up contention among the brethren.” The full verse, Proverbs 6:19, is an item in a list of 6 things God hates: A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.

The verse assumes a victim is lying. There’s no “believe survivors” in Christian Fundamentalism. They’re all liars who should hush. Jim Bob demonstrates a typical response well:

"My dad texted the entire family group text (since we’re still in the group thread) and he was just saying, 'This is so sad' and basically threatening that if anybody speaks out against him or my mom that they would be cut out of the inheritance," she says.

This is so sad. Can you just hear Jim Bob saying that? More underspeak.