WTF was that prayer in Congress?
Tales from the Patriarchy: they always have something up their sleeve
This post is angry but in a “regulated nervous system” way.
Like you, I’ve spent most of the last few weeks grappling with the crescendo of concern, then horror, of the Big Ugly Bill, kidnappings on the street, and Florida’s concentration camp. The bill is catastrophic to social safety nets as we know them, and I knew that was part of the GOP’s point, but an undercurrent of cocky confidence kept nagging at me. The feeling wasn’t just Mikey Johnson’s smug expressions or Christine Gnome’s wrestling ring bravada, and it was more than the clear and present danger presented by Project 2025.
Side note 1— did anyone else notice how the Big Ass Bill and Project 2025 are both 900 pages?
Side note 2— an AI transcript of Trump’s presser misspelled Noem’s name, and the image of her as a gnome gave me some petty comic relief at a much-needed time. As a former Garbage Pail Kids fan, I couldn’t resist. Ronda Santis? James Ummer? Christine Gnome? Youbetcha. Here for it.
There’s no other word but heartbreak for what I both felt and observed in others when the bill passed. A split second later, I remembered that in high-control environments, manipulated heartbreak and disappointment are a clue.
When Christians break my heart, I’ve learned to lift the rock and look beneath it. They never do it for no reason. Their cruelty always has a point and an underlying agenda. Call it the James Dobson approach. “This will hurt me more than it hurts you” deflectious bullshit. They want the punishment to be severe; they think it teaches a valuable lesson. More often than not, the punishment serves a purpose that has nothing to do with lessons, autonomy, respect, freedom, or healthy psychology. Sick fuck is as sick fuck does. They want what they want, and getting it requires cooperation.
Then, the performative prayer in Congress happened, was photographed, and promoted. I took a deep breath as the clue was confirmed. Propaganda like performative prayers is evidence. These boys have something up their sleeve.
In general, Christian fundamentalists don’t tend to perform unless they’re sure of the outcome and impact. When they’re unsure, they get quiet. They go behind closed doors, maneuvering, just as Mikey worked the votes to flip them back to his side. We didn’t see him so much then. If they’re naming and claiming in public, they’re already sure they’ve won.
The prayer slapped. How could anyone pray that God, or even “King Jesus” bless denying food and care from people?
To outsiders, GOP leadership praying to God for the power to pass a bill that takes food and medicine away from children looks like cruel hypocrisy.
To Christian Nationalists, it looks like a plan.
WTFundamentalist was this prayer? It was Christian Patriarchy in action. When “God is in control,” it means men are in control, and when MAGA sees Christian men praying, performing, and controlling, they feel like everything is going to be okay. The men have it. They’ll figure it out. There’s no need to worry here. God is good….all of the time.
The Big Nasty Bill rips healthcare, food, medication, and education away from babies. It will gut pediatric hospitals and nursing homes alike, increase poverty, and make us all sicker. It swells ICE into the largest federal agency in the country. These are bad, ungodly things, and people will die if it manifests the way it’s promised and presented. We are justifiably upset and grieving over what this means for our country, especially the most vulnerable citizens. However....
It’s essential to consider the worldview and mindset of the individuals who supported this bill.
They are authoritarians in service to a theocracy.
They are “Father knows best” types (or Daddy, if they prefer.)
They think they know what’s best for us, regardless of what we think or have to say.
But, authoritarian fathers tend to do what’s in their self-interest, strong-arming others to go along. Patriarchy is not a democracy. There are no votes when Dad is in charge, and there’s a difference between concern for what’s best and predetermining how it will be.
Remembering this allowed me to take a big, deep breath and remember what else is true in authoritarian households. How often does TACO renege on his threats? How much time is there between the passing and implementation of the healthcare parts of this bill? Often and lots.
It’s unlikely the GOP plans for medically vulnerable children to die en masse due to starvation, scarcity, and no healthcare.
It’s unlikely they “want” 70 million people to lose healthcare.
Why? Because all those dead people create a lot of grief and sad stories that will either trigger an uprising or whatever kind of election we have left, and those Garbage Pail Kids will find themselves out of control. May the screams of the mothers deafen them with the unhinged howling of grief. Johnson would hide beneath his desk.
So, come back to the prayer: They weren’t praying to take it all away; they were praying “thy will be done.” To them, God’s will is also their will, and they undoubtedly have ideas, plans, and concepts of a plan. They’re sure about this: sure enough to drape their arms around one another and pray before the cameras.
Why not tell us they have a plan?
It’s probably a bad plan that we won’t like! Their plan probably uses data, surveillance, wearable trackers, and inadequate approvals. If they told us about it, we might argue, debate, and rebel.
If they had told us first, before passing this bill, we might have compared it to what we have now and voted against it.
What do you think they’ll call it? Trumpcare? Truthcare? Anyone hawking cologne and sneakers is going to put his name on it, for sure. The same folks called the ACA “Obamacare,” setting this up as some kind of ego rivalry, instead of provision we pay for through our taxes; instead of affordable healthcare in a civilized, progressing society.
We liked having healthcare. We needed to improve the situation, not take a giant step backward. So what a dictator to do? When Father-knows-best types have a plan they want to barrel through, they have to create an environment where it seems like a good enough idea.
First, they get rid of “Obamacare,” rile up the masses, scare us about how many people are going to die, and create chaotic grief. They break our hearts on purpose so we know how strong and powerful they are. They have our money, our laws, and our military (who we raised and funded.) Making America Suck will overwhelm us with problems—food rotting in the field, soaring prices, and ICE cold terror.
Then, they offer a “solution” that promises to save the day.
Patriarchs love to save the day, be the hero, and imagine they’re on the right side of history. They’ll be so proud and excited to offer the solution, and they’ll wait, with glowing smiles and open palms, for the gratitude they expect and demand from us.
They were praying to get the first part of this plan through: end the current provisions. Create scarcity and fear. They are priming the pump for what is to come.
It’s easy to imagine Mike Johnson convincing voters based on a whispered promise that the solution will be well in place before midterms, so don’t worry. GOP swagger has caused some to speculate that we won’t have elections but, at least for 2026, I don’t think that’s the most likely.
I think we’ve seen this film before, and we didn’t like the ending.
What can we do but grieve? Plan or not, this isn’t our American democracy in action; it’s a restructuring and return to kings, an efficient anti-independence, coded into systems and every branch of government. It has a price, and we’re seeing that cost rise, as sure as the floodwaters that claimed the lives of little girls and swamped Aligator Auschwitz.
wrote, “DOGE has consequences,” but it won’t be DOGE that pays.
Remembering how they play helps me avoid catastrophizing and directly playing into their hand. This is a critical posture with a narcissistic, high-control patriarch. We must know ourselves and our rights. Hold our heads up and look them in the eye. Be as calm and businesslike as possible as we steadily take our steps to protect not only our democracy, but also the most vulnerable among us. If we don’t agree that people are pawns, we can’t let ourselves become them, either.
Get A WELL-TRAINED WIFE: My Escape from Christian Patriarchy
Reading Erica Chenoweth for the first time (where have I been) and the historical explanations she gives for civil resistance + your sharp insights into Daddy culture is really strengthening my resolve. You’re right that it’s the kids who always pay. In the face of parental anger, a child who refuses to engage will likely only heap more punishment and anger upon themselves. It’s the most cruel and twisted power imbalance, and so many of us were trained that there was nothing wrong with it at all. Now it’s playing out in our politics. Those of us who are not children and do not see dear leader as Daddy have so many more tools and resources at our disposal than we often realize. We have so much more power collectively than they want us to know. Daddy and his fawning administration are weak and cowardly — and we see through this. We do not need to play along. I’m done being afraid. Seriously, this feels like a turning point. Thank you as always for doing what you do so well. Your book has been instrumental to me in the transformation of my inner landscape. Really appreciate you.💜
Tia, as always you bring such clarity to what we’re witnessing. And you give me hope that we are strong enough to turn things around.