This is such a grounded reflection. Deconstruction isn’t about losing all structure—it’s about keeping the boundaries that protect what matters. Not all binaries are bad. Some are born of wisdom. Knowing your “never again” isn’t rigidity, it’s integrity.
This resonates with me. I can relate to the extremes, too rigid or too open-ended.
I grew up in the Northeast, so there was not a strong presence of this stuff around, but there was some. Most of my friends were Catholics or Mainline Protestants. I was Jewish and came from a mixed marriage. I grew up going to synagogues that were pretty normal, with pretty normal people. Then, after my father died, my mom took me to a VERY liberal synagogue in the Catskills. Too liberal. And while that community was very warm and welcoming, it rubbed me the wrong way, even as a young teenager.
Around me, people were nominally religious. A few were more devout. But I remember asking one of my teachers in school one day, "what is the meaning of life?" "I think that life is whatever you make of it," she replied.
I was craving substance and structure, some absolutes in life to get me through. I was floating, adrift and needed a lifeline.
So its no wonder that when I became a Christian in my college years that I was drawn toward the more extreme versions of it. That's what happens to those of us who lack boundaries, who have lots of unmet needs and lack a sense of autonomy over our own lives. We get drawn to extremes.
I've learned that grace is finding a balance in the middle.
It also comes across in parenting. Authoritarian versus permissive versus authoritative, which is the healthy balance in between.
A "Hell Yes!" to everything. Thank you for putting down the words of my heart, mind and soul.
This is such a grounded reflection. Deconstruction isn’t about losing all structure—it’s about keeping the boundaries that protect what matters. Not all binaries are bad. Some are born of wisdom. Knowing your “never again” isn’t rigidity, it’s integrity.
This resonates with me. I can relate to the extremes, too rigid or too open-ended.
I grew up in the Northeast, so there was not a strong presence of this stuff around, but there was some. Most of my friends were Catholics or Mainline Protestants. I was Jewish and came from a mixed marriage. I grew up going to synagogues that were pretty normal, with pretty normal people. Then, after my father died, my mom took me to a VERY liberal synagogue in the Catskills. Too liberal. And while that community was very warm and welcoming, it rubbed me the wrong way, even as a young teenager.
Around me, people were nominally religious. A few were more devout. But I remember asking one of my teachers in school one day, "what is the meaning of life?" "I think that life is whatever you make of it," she replied.
I was craving substance and structure, some absolutes in life to get me through. I was floating, adrift and needed a lifeline.
So its no wonder that when I became a Christian in my college years that I was drawn toward the more extreme versions of it. That's what happens to those of us who lack boundaries, who have lots of unmet needs and lack a sense of autonomy over our own lives. We get drawn to extremes.
I've learned that grace is finding a balance in the middle.
It also comes across in parenting. Authoritarian versus permissive versus authoritative, which is the healthy balance in between.