Great perspective, and I believe deconstructing/differentiating is vital to our growth and can happen multiple times in our lives. For those in the midst of religious deconstruction there’s a wonderful free online community, https://evolvingfaith.com. It was co-founded by the late Rachel Held Evans and Sarah Bessey, whose latest book Field Notes For The Wilderness is also a good companion for the deconstruction journey.
Tia, thank you for this. I have been rejoicing over the young people who are “deconstructing” or more accurately “differentiating” around me. My own adult children are a part of that wave. I have learned from them and they admire my journey as a model to them that you’re never too old to transform.
I grieve over my lost years raised in Pentecostal/ Evangelical communities who then immersed herself into fundamentalism through homeschooling as a mother. It took me until age 44, when a tragedy hit our family to begin questioning all that I was handed and simply believed.
I’m 63 now and it’s been one LONG journey of both deconstructing AND differentiating. I’m still on the journey, because it’s a lifelong practice really especially with childhood trauma. There’s so much to unpack and it must be done tenderly, gently and with much love and compassion.
I remember when my Mom, who was raised as a Jehovah Witness from the age of 14 but was never baptized into the faith discovered the book "Crisis of Conscience" by Raymond Franz. It was the first time she accepted how hypocritical and controlling the JW faith was and how much her parents were controlled and fooled by it. Then she felt bad that she thought that and ashamed that she thought that way about them. She was in her 70's when she read that book. The legacy of being adjacent to that religion has left many scars on all of us.
Comparing and contrasting mid to later life experience of deconstruction with a coming of age/ entering more fully into adulthood is worth thoughtful consideration. I say this because I fear younger people may feel their life experiences are not understood as valid because they are younger.
Twenty year old me, while married and a mother, was fully immersed in the rigid structure of fundamentalism. Corporal punishment of kids, harsh rules, church every day except Saturday. Fear. Oh the fear that one misstep, question or refusal to acquiesce would at the least doom me to tribulation if not hell.
Forty five year old me, after raising three children in that system, needed answers as to what and why I believed this. Lots of things didn’t make sense anymore. I had to examine each piece of my life and beliefs, determining why it existed and if it was a reflection of my truest self. I discarded or kept. I continue to find deeply rooted ideas that surprise me they are still there. Thankfully younger people are questioning now before they have to work through all the trauma they inflicted on children or partners.
Great perspective, and I believe deconstructing/differentiating is vital to our growth and can happen multiple times in our lives. For those in the midst of religious deconstruction there’s a wonderful free online community, https://evolvingfaith.com. It was co-founded by the late Rachel Held Evans and Sarah Bessey, whose latest book Field Notes For The Wilderness is also a good companion for the deconstruction journey.
Tia, thank you for this. I have been rejoicing over the young people who are “deconstructing” or more accurately “differentiating” around me. My own adult children are a part of that wave. I have learned from them and they admire my journey as a model to them that you’re never too old to transform.
I grieve over my lost years raised in Pentecostal/ Evangelical communities who then immersed herself into fundamentalism through homeschooling as a mother. It took me until age 44, when a tragedy hit our family to begin questioning all that I was handed and simply believed.
I’m 63 now and it’s been one LONG journey of both deconstructing AND differentiating. I’m still on the journey, because it’s a lifelong practice really especially with childhood trauma. There’s so much to unpack and it must be done tenderly, gently and with much love and compassion.
Thank you for your sharing.
I remember when my Mom, who was raised as a Jehovah Witness from the age of 14 but was never baptized into the faith discovered the book "Crisis of Conscience" by Raymond Franz. It was the first time she accepted how hypocritical and controlling the JW faith was and how much her parents were controlled and fooled by it. Then she felt bad that she thought that and ashamed that she thought that way about them. She was in her 70's when she read that book. The legacy of being adjacent to that religion has left many scars on all of us.
Comparing and contrasting mid to later life experience of deconstruction with a coming of age/ entering more fully into adulthood is worth thoughtful consideration. I say this because I fear younger people may feel their life experiences are not understood as valid because they are younger.
Twenty year old me, while married and a mother, was fully immersed in the rigid structure of fundamentalism. Corporal punishment of kids, harsh rules, church every day except Saturday. Fear. Oh the fear that one misstep, question or refusal to acquiesce would at the least doom me to tribulation if not hell.
Forty five year old me, after raising three children in that system, needed answers as to what and why I believed this. Lots of things didn’t make sense anymore. I had to examine each piece of my life and beliefs, determining why it existed and if it was a reflection of my truest self. I discarded or kept. I continue to find deeply rooted ideas that surprise me they are still there. Thankfully younger people are questioning now before they have to work through all the trauma they inflicted on children or partners.
as always, Thank you.
How are your kids doing now?