Yes to all of this. My family texted me after the election and said "we love everyone" and they treat me like a mission field to be "won over." Knowing that if Harris would've won they would've condoned political violence to get The Felon in office.
I've had similar conversation with old friends. Small things like judging me for buying a Halloween garland for my kids while on a trip. Scoffing and saying, "we don't celebrate Halloween." When I inquire and ask if she doesn't let her daughter go trick-or-treating she confesses that she does; although she doesn't decorate. In her mind she wants to still be able to celebrate the holiday while simultaneously judging me for buying a cute black and orange felted garland for my kids.
They want to have it both ways. The rules are constantly bending to aid their current narrative.
They are trying to make us feel crazy by acting like this is all completely normal. Where is the outrage about putting sexual predators in office? Hegseth's own mother called him an "abusers of women." I refuse to look away or pretend any of this is normal or ok.
Thank you for not looking away Tia, the world needs your brave voice.
I've haven't interacted with most of my family since the election and I'm unsure how to move forward if at all. One of the things I'm wrestling with is how much of their vote is genuine ignorance vs choosing ignorance because it excuses something ugly inside. I was essentially one of them when Trump first came on the scene, but I saw through it. It was a catalyst that changed everything for me. I can't imagine how there isn't a landslide of conservative Evangelicals like me? It makes it hard to find sympathy for such willful blindness.
I honestly think a whole lot less of Trump-voting ladies who are now somewhat conflicted and want to be liked...to be "good". I have (strangely) more respect for the all-in Trumpers who at least know exactly what they want, as odious as those things are. There are a number of reasons why I no longer attend an Ev. church, but the hypocrisy is a top one---I cannot abide to be around other Christians (yes, I still am one) who think they are good, righteous, people, and voted for Trump because they are too ignorant and ill-informed to know any differently. These people have the same exact internet I do. If they wanted to be better informed, they could be...and I grew up in the same Ev ecosystem they did. I tried for years to tamp down the contempt I feel. Lately, though, I still try not to nurture it, but I've given up trying to lessen the contempt. I'm too tired to keep on trying. I still have good relationships with my Trump-voting in-laws, but am I still in contact with others who voted for him? No. I don't want them in my life. And I don't feel apologetic about that at all.
I hear you! I remember feeling this way in 2016 and sometimes I still do. Sometimes "it's a cult" feels like such an excuse, especially as someone who used the internet to free her mind. Those all-in Trumpers, though, are tough nuts to crack. Their walls are so high they can't even see what they should try to be hypocritical about and from the viewpoint of my work, talking to a wall exhausts me without any humanity to show for it. I like your family line--we have to disperse our energies carefully and family is definitely the winner there.
The thing that is dangerous is that within your 8 steps when the vitriol comes out is how people get hurt. Knowing the playbook and understanding how that privilege is used to portray oneself as defenseless and under attack is a way to hold other white women accountable. We have to do the work.
Sending this to several family members; thank you.
Yes to all of this. My family texted me after the election and said "we love everyone" and they treat me like a mission field to be "won over." Knowing that if Harris would've won they would've condoned political violence to get The Felon in office.
I've had similar conversation with old friends. Small things like judging me for buying a Halloween garland for my kids while on a trip. Scoffing and saying, "we don't celebrate Halloween." When I inquire and ask if she doesn't let her daughter go trick-or-treating she confesses that she does; although she doesn't decorate. In her mind she wants to still be able to celebrate the holiday while simultaneously judging me for buying a cute black and orange felted garland for my kids.
They want to have it both ways. The rules are constantly bending to aid their current narrative.
They are trying to make us feel crazy by acting like this is all completely normal. Where is the outrage about putting sexual predators in office? Hegseth's own mother called him an "abusers of women." I refuse to look away or pretend any of this is normal or ok.
Thank you for not looking away Tia, the world needs your brave voice.
I've haven't interacted with most of my family since the election and I'm unsure how to move forward if at all. One of the things I'm wrestling with is how much of their vote is genuine ignorance vs choosing ignorance because it excuses something ugly inside. I was essentially one of them when Trump first came on the scene, but I saw through it. It was a catalyst that changed everything for me. I can't imagine how there isn't a landslide of conservative Evangelicals like me? It makes it hard to find sympathy for such willful blindness.
I honestly think a whole lot less of Trump-voting ladies who are now somewhat conflicted and want to be liked...to be "good". I have (strangely) more respect for the all-in Trumpers who at least know exactly what they want, as odious as those things are. There are a number of reasons why I no longer attend an Ev. church, but the hypocrisy is a top one---I cannot abide to be around other Christians (yes, I still am one) who think they are good, righteous, people, and voted for Trump because they are too ignorant and ill-informed to know any differently. These people have the same exact internet I do. If they wanted to be better informed, they could be...and I grew up in the same Ev ecosystem they did. I tried for years to tamp down the contempt I feel. Lately, though, I still try not to nurture it, but I've given up trying to lessen the contempt. I'm too tired to keep on trying. I still have good relationships with my Trump-voting in-laws, but am I still in contact with others who voted for him? No. I don't want them in my life. And I don't feel apologetic about that at all.
I hear you! I remember feeling this way in 2016 and sometimes I still do. Sometimes "it's a cult" feels like such an excuse, especially as someone who used the internet to free her mind. Those all-in Trumpers, though, are tough nuts to crack. Their walls are so high they can't even see what they should try to be hypocritical about and from the viewpoint of my work, talking to a wall exhausts me without any humanity to show for it. I like your family line--we have to disperse our energies carefully and family is definitely the winner there.
Oh yes, that response sequence!! That was my last interaction w an evangelical cousin to a T!
How I found this Substack https://johnstokdijkgmailcom.substack.com/p/i-was-a-well-trained-husband.
The thing that is dangerous is that within your 8 steps when the vitriol comes out is how people get hurt. Knowing the playbook and understanding how that privilege is used to portray oneself as defenseless and under attack is a way to hold other white women accountable. We have to do the work.
You’re awesome, Tia. You have a special perspective on Trumpers b/c of your deep understanding of cult thinking. Thanks!
…Yes, it is triggering but perspective , boundaries, and dignity are most of what handling triggers is about. Eyes wide open.
Thank you, Tia. I admire your intelligent, perceptive, and caring thinking and courage. I agree, it is really important.
Thank you for your writing and your ongoing research. It is so important.